Maybe you’re wondering how long to wait for her text before giving up or how long you should wait to text her back if you’re an action taker.
Whatever the reason, I understand. I remember the times when I was inexperienced with women and when I used to text them every day, multiple times per day.
Basically, I was the kind of man sending a text message and waiting for minutes in front of the screen in the hope of an answer.
If you still do that, don’t worry. With this article I’ll teach you how not to overtext and make her chase you instead of the opposite. Moreover, you’ll learn:
What You'll Learn
Trust me I’ll help you even if you’ve been used to send 7254 messages per day uncontrollably.
Yeah give those fingers some rest. You could use them to touch something warmer than a cold phone screen.
The Typical “Texting Her Too Much” Scenario
No day passes by without you thinking about your new crush. You wake up, and one of the first things you think about is her.
On the one hand, you want to text her right away, to see how she's doing, to feel that rush of positive feelings at the sight of her answer.
On the other hand, you're afraid to bother her with too many messages. That's where the dilemma starts.
However, the feeling prevails, and, like in an uncontrollable act, you reach out to your phone and text her. Then you start to experience contrasting feelings in your body and to second guess yourself.
"Am I texting her too much?"
"When will she answer me?"
"How long should I wait to text her if she doesn't text back?"
Those are questions I used to ask myself too back in the days. However, I rarely found an answer to them until I started experimenting like a scientist what worked and what didn't work with girls.
That's Not a Love Story.
The Hot Salsa Teacher in Barcelona
One particular case occurred when I was texting a blonde girl I had met at a salsa party when I used to work in Barcelona as a sales representative.
I went to this club called Antilla that was close to where I lived. There I met with my friends that were also keen salsa aficionados.
We started to see who was in the club, and as soon they put the next salsa song, grabbed the women that were closer to us, to warm things up.
When we finished dancing, I went to take a break, shoulders to the wall, while at the same time, seeing if there were some cute girls.
They had put bachata music in the meantime, as they usually do. While I look around, I see a blonde girl with a red skirt that was dancing with a guy that looked really Italian.
We Dance Together
When they finished dancing, I went to the blonde girl and asked her to dance the next salsa song.
The supposedly Italian guy turned out to be a real Italian. You guys can recognize us because we wear shirts almost every time we go out dancing). He was looking at me like he didn’t want me to dance with her.
Me: “I wanna dance with her, is that fine?”
Him: “Yeah yeah, it’s fine.”
Definitely, nothing was fine for him. Anyway, that wasn’t my problem as they were just friends from what I perceived, probably he was hitting on her.
I started dancing with her and immediately noticed she was an excellent dancer, much better than me actually. At the end of the song, we spoke, and it turned out she was from Romania and was a salsa teacher.
She told me she was in Barcelona for a salsa festival called “Guaguancò” that was held every year in June. Then, the unexpected happened: she invited me to go to the festival with her.
You’ll learn how this story ended in a moment, for now let’s get back on how you can avoid overtexting a girl you like.
Overtexting Tendencies: Are You Texting a Girl Too Much?
The short answer is: Probably Yes.
Because if you’re here, it means your conversation went something like this, she didn’t answer you and now you don’t know what to do:
If that wasn’t you, why the hell are you here? Get the f**k out and enjoy your dates with girls. If that was you, keep reading as you need to learn a couple of things.
Solution #1: You Should Wait for Her to Text You
The first effective habit you should apply when texting women is that you shouldn't flood them with texts even when they don't answer you.
You should realize that the reason why they're not answering you could be so many that insisting is just going to backfire on you most of the time.
Let's go over some common reason why girls don't answer you:
She simply forgot;
She is in love with another man;
She doesn't like you;
She's testing your character
She's on her period
As you can see, there are many reasons why women don't text you back. That's why insisting like a jackhammer is not the best solution.
Why not writing a simpler message to test the waters and see if she still has the intention to talk to you or not?
A good technique I use is the "Curiosity Re-engagement" technique. It consists of dropping a line that will make her want to invest in the conversation without you forcing her to do so.
As you can see, she ignored me for more than 4 hours. As soon as I sent her a curiosity re-engagement line, she answered in less than 4 minutes. Crazy how women’s brains are predictable.
These are other curiosity re-engagement lines you can use:
“You can’t imagine what idea I have”
“There’s something I want to tell you but I’m not sure if you’re ready…”
“I have the feeling that you will like what I just thought”
"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."
Sometimes, I believe it's just them having the wrong taste in men when they should start appreciating things that we can offer them that most men don't. Agree?
Tip #2: Don’t Write Many Texts So That a Girl is Never Bored of You
Another important aspect to keep in mind is that women are emotional creatures and, because of their nature, they need to have their emotions sparked if you want to seduce them.
That’s why the typical boring guy is a complete turnoff for women (consequently making their pussies dry as the sahara desert).
How can you write so that she’ll be interested in texting with you?
Those are a few tips to follow:
Strategies to make her text you back
This means not repeating the same stuff over and over again, just like in the message below.
The Wrong Way
As you can see I asked her a boring and common question and, of course, she didn’t answer me.
Those questions can be asked but not surely at the beginning of your conversations where some spicy things are preferred.
What about doing things this way?
The Right Way
As you can see, instead of telling her the usual things I lead her into a narrative story where the two of us make something exciting happen. Then gave her the possibility to lead the story however she wants.
This creates tension, fun, mystery and is much better than asking “What do you like to do for a date?” Moreover this will lead you to higher probabilities of having a date with the women you will text.
What’s the purpose of getting in a relationship if not to have fun and sharing good moments? That’s exactly what you should be aiming for when you text her as everything has to start from somewhere at least.
The Wrong Way
Don’t be that guy that’s depressed ad f**k when texting her, leaving ladies with a bad aftertaste. Try to make things lighthearted and playful, especially at the beginning of the conversation.
The Right Way
Finally, challenging women over text can be as exciting as when you challenge them with a cooking competition at their place.
That’s why you can’t take away this weapon from your arsenal if you really want to be impactful. However, there’s a right way to challenge women and a wrong way to do it.
Some men think that challenging a woman means getting in a competition with her. Nothing far from the truth. If you get in a competitive mindset with her (unless you do it to play with her) you will only make things worse.
Let’s see what’s the wrong way of challenging a woman and then go over the right way:
The Wrong Way
The Right Way
What if you make her doubt her skills by putting some healthy fun pressure? She’ll love it most of the times.
P.S. Don’t overd this with insecure women as they might react in the opposite way.
If you follow the steps above, preferably all three of them, trust me you’ll manage to give her the texting experience she craves.
Now it’s time for the last tips so that you can start to safely text women like you deserve.
Tip #3: Flip The Script so She Always Texts First
The main problem that the majority of men have with overtexting is that they put a disproportionate amount of effort into conversation with women than they actually should.
This puts women in a position of power instead of putting you in such a position.
What’s the result? She’ll invest less and less, writing you shorter messages while the poor man will usually write longer, needier, and sometimes creepier messages.
Look at that, for example. That’s one of my bad conversations:
What if you instead flip the script and make her invest more so that she’ll text you first the next time and invest more than you do? You can flip the script by writing low investment messages.
That’s an example of flipping the script from a position where I had lost power to one where I made her chase me.
The conversation is in Italian; however, I don’t want you to focus too much on what I said rather on how little I invest compared to her.
Here’s the translation of the conversation anyway:
Her: “I can’t believe it.”
Me: “Emojis :D.”
Her: “So you must be really good at it” (she was talking about my dating coach profession)
Her: “And do you help them to be honest and not assholes with women?”
Me: “Honest, yes. Assholes it depends on which woman they’re interacting with obviously”
Her: “Do you also do coaching for women?”
To finish off, I want to leave you with one of the best practices I use to leave women interested in me.
That’s what will help you have solid conversations over a longer period of time without boring them to the bone and while putting yourself in the position of being chased.
Tip #4: Sending Too Many Texts? Dilute Your Messages
Another technique I use to look less needy when texting women is to send messages that are distant apart from one another.
What I mean by that is that if she texts me at 2:35 pm, for instance, I’ll get back to her in no less than 5 hours. This puts low pressure on women, especially at the beginning of your virtual relationship.
Another thing I do is never replying to a text that she sends me during the night unless I'm on a later stage of comfort. Another way I do this is by texting her just before I go to bed and then shutting down my phone so that then I have her reply when I wake up.
I do this so that I can text her the morning after and kind of like continuing the conversation without looking needy.
There are other powerful techniques I use that you can find in my Online Dating Domination Course.
How The Story Ended
She Invites Me To The Festival
At the end, when she told me to come to the festival with her and her friend, I was super excited as she was not only hot but also a teacher of salsa.
So I took her number and went home, thinking about how good that would have been. I didn’t have much money at the time and had to think if to spend them on this festival, after all, it was kind of pricey as it was starting precisely that day.
So I called my salsa master in Italy and asked him if this festival was really worth going in. He told me that it was one of the best festivals worldwide for Cuban salsa dancers and that I had to absolutely go.
I Go and text her but she doesn’t reply me
I decided. In 20 minutes, I packed all my stuff and went to withdraw my money at the ATM. Then took the first train headed to "Lloret de Mar" as the festival was held over there and texted the salsa teacher.
I was super happy and started sending her various video messages of me on the train coming to her.
I sent the first one, to which she didn't reply.
Then the second one, after 5 minutes: "Seen" but she didn't reply.
Then the third one to which she answered after 1 hour, exactly when I had arrived there.
I bought the tickets for two days and my Airbnb from the phone, luckily finding one last spot for the day.
Then I went into the hotel where the festival was held and waited in the hall. Then she texted me back:
Her: "I'm tired, and I'm going to sleep a little, see you later."
Me: "Ok, see you."
Even though she had answered me, I felt like she had changed her opinion about me. What happened?
My Overtexting Screwed it All
Maybe it was the fact that I had overtexted her, maybe she didn't like me from the beginning. I didn't know.
The only thing I knew was that as soon as I invested too much with those videos, she seemed to have lost a big portion of her interest in me.
Then I met her face to face, casually, because she didn't even bother to tell me she was out of her room. That's when I understood I had lost value on her eyes.
The situation was lost for me. Nowadays, I'd have tried to recoup it because I'm more skilled, but back then, because of this overtexting mistake, I had lost the confidence to have her again.
Whatever the case, my chances of having her would have been much higher if instead of texting her like there was no tomorrow, I made her chase me. However, at least I learned how to do it after this big fail.
Should You Apologize for Texting too Much?
Before even asking this question, you should ask yourself why you're texting too much. You know, buddy, the problem is not apologizing for texting too much per se but texting too much.
Why do you believe you need to flood her with texts to be attractive?
Couldn't it be that the less you text her, the better, at least at the beginning stage?
How better would it be if she was the one to text you too much?
I know that flipping the script to such a degree can be shocking at first, but that's what really needs to be done if you want to make her chase you.
However, to answer your question, you shouldn't apologize if you texted her too much for any reason.
Apologizing will make you appear even needier and, thus, less attractive to her eyes. What if instead of apologizing, you flip the script and make her apologize to you for not responding?
Have you ever thought it that way? After all, she's the one ignoring you and not the contrary, so she should apologize with you for not even saying a word back.
Everything in life requires balance, also relating with women.
What I learned from this experience is that like everything in life, relating with a woman requires balance. This means balancing how much she invests on you vs. how much you invest in her.
Unless you make things balanced, you’ll never make it as you want as she will run away from your overtexting or overinvesting behavior.
Now it’s time for you to go text her in the right amount. Remember to stop if you’re exaggerating and to think about why you need to text her that much.
If you want to become a master at texting women, anyway, I warmly suggest you get my Online Dating Domination Course.
I’ll help you get 3+ quality dates/week with attractive women on a consistent basis, even if you’re bad at texting them and don’t feel worthy of their attention.